in making decisions in the present, there is a certain projecting forward from the past as well as a simultaneous projecting backward from the future that attempt to keep our actions coherent with both what we have been and what we aspire to be
But why do we put so much value on some sort of identitary coherence? It’s such a bizarre concept. I guess the idea of progress is to blame, that we’re evolving in one unique direction and taking all of the tools from the past with us without having made too many mistakes or detours from that path along the way…but it seems to me that such narrow thinking may just prevent a diversification of possibilities, not to mention be at the root of unnecessary mental anguish if one doesn’t remain on one sole route, going in the exact same direction the entire time.
I used to think of some experiences as if they were stains. Once you’d done it, you’d wear it on you forever, and no amount of scrubbing would get rid of the marks. They would become you. But not every experience can or should be formative. And formative of what? Of a predetermined journey down a predetermined road in a predetermined direction? Where’s the fun in that?
Copious drinking, Tim and I transcending personhood in various states of hangover and exhaustion, and a heaping spoonful of awkward pointless drama because why not.